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Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
S10E17
Season
Episode
17
Airdate
February 21, 2013
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Written by
Chuck Lorre, Jim Patterson and Nick Bakay (story)
Don Reo, Eddie Gorodetsky and Gemma Baker (teleplay)
Directed by
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Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries is the 17th episode of season 10. It aired on February 21, 2013.

Plot

Walden views an old video where he discussed his life goals and gets depressed that he does not have a wife and family. Going to a mixer for rich singles, Walden runs into his ex-wife Bridget. Ending up in bed, they seem to make a close renewed connection, however, she gets more and more controlling. They both set down Alan and Berta and tell them that it is best for the household that they leave. Later Walden wakes up and finds she has removed his balls and placed them in a small box declaring that they are now hers. However, it is revealed that Walden imagined his reconciliation with Bridget as the scene cuts back to him at the mixer behind her. He walks away, relieved. The last scene shows Alan and Walden, who are now elderly, watching a video of Alan discussing his goal for his old self, which was to remain living in the beach house with Walden, or whoever moved in after him.

Cast

Quotes

  • Emily: Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I-I try ti avoid situations like this.
  • Walden: No. You know what? It's fine. I'll... I'll just go say hello.
  • Emily: Sure. What's the worst that can happen?She's already got half your money.
  • Walden: Bridget?
  • Bridget: Walden? What are you doing here?
  • Walden: Just... drinking a beer, losing faith in humanity, planning to die alone.
  • Bridget: (chuckles) I get it. These people are awful. The last guy I talked to offered to give me a boob job.
  • Walden: A plastic surgeon?
  • Bridget: Unfortunately, no. So you haven't met anyone, either?
  • Walden: No. I'm actually thinking about going next door. The Goldberg Bar Mitzvah seems like it's going off.
  • Bridget: Mmm. Well, good luck to you. I hope you find what you're looking for. (chuckles)
  • Walden: So, did I find what I was looking for?
  • Bridget: Oh, yeah. (sighs)

  • (Both chuckling)
  • Bridget: So...
  • Walden: Yeah.
  • Bridget: That happened.
  • Walden:Twice. 
  • Bridget: Three for me.
  • Walden: Oh, that's great.
  • Bridget: Yeah.
  • Walden: The third time, I thought you were screaming just 'cause I was on your hair. Can I ask you a question?
  • Bridget: Sure.
  • Walden: What does this mean?
  • Bridget: It means we both paid $1,000 to meet someone we already slept with.
  • Walden: (chuckles)
  • Walden: Wait, you paid $1,000?
  • Bridget: I paid $2,000. Looks like you got screwed a lot tonight. The answer is... I don't know what it means. I just know it feels right.
  • Walden: It does. Which is odd because we just did a couple things that were very, very wrong.
  • Bridget: So, how do we make sure we don't end up where we were before?
  • Walden: Well, that's... Everything that happened before was your fault, so it's kind up to you. I'm a different person than I was when we split up.
  • Bridget: That's good. 'Cause towards the end, I felt more like your mother than your wife.
  • Walden: Oh, you're a much better kisser than my mom. 
  • Bridget: So are you.
  • Walden: Uh, the truth is... I've grown up a lot since then. I don't need anyone to take care of me now.
  • Bridget: So I don't have to check under the bed for monsters anymore?
  • Walden: No, of course not, Alan does not.
  • Bridget: Does Alan do this?
  • Walden: Yes.
  • Bridget: Well... 
  • Walden: Uh, he does not do that. (chuckles)
  • (At Walden's Beach House)
  • Alan: Can't believe yoy guys are back together. Walden and Bridget. Bridget and Walden.
  • Bridget: And Alan.
  • Alan: The... three musketeers.
  • Bridget: Or three's a crowd.
  • Alan: Or three's company.
  • Bridget: Or three strikes and you're out.
  • Walden: Okay, okay. Just play nice.
  • Alan: Sorry. So, uh, Bridget, uh... after you and Walden broke up, didn't you immediately start dating his best friend and business partner, Billy?
  • Bridget: I did, but in hindsight, I realize it was just a pathetic attempt to stay close to Walden. You know what that's like, don't you, Alan?
  • Walden: (snorts, laughs) All right, that was a good one.
  • Bridget: What are you eating?
  • Walden: Oh, it's a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich with pancakes as the bread. I call it a McWalden.
  • Bridget: I call it a McPyass.
  • Walden: It has all the basic food groups: protein, dairy... Syrup.
  • Bridget: If you don't eat properly, your immune system can't do it's job.
  • Walden: I have had more colds this year.
  • Bridget: See? I'm gonna pour you a glass of fresh orange juice to watch that down.
  • Alan (whispering): She's doing it again.
  • Walden (whispering): What?
  • Alan (whispering): Telling you what to do.
  • Walden (whispering): She just cares about me.
  • Alan (whispering): (meows, imitates whip cracking)
  • Walden (whispering): Shut up.
  • Bridget: Here you go. okay, I think you're all done with that.
  • Walden: Oh, um, actually, I was not...
  • Bridget: Drink your juice.
  • Walden: Okay.
  • Bridget: And when you're done, I want you to go upstairs and make your bed.
  • Walden: Mmm. But Berta does it.
  • Bridget: No buts.
  • Walden: Okay.
  • Alan (whispers): Run.

  • Bridget: (gasp) There you are, Alan. Come. Join us. please
  • Alan: Oh, this can't be good.So, uh...what's going on?
  • Bridget: Walden.
  • Walden: Um... first I would like to say that I appreciate what a great friend you are.
  • Alan: Thank you?
  • Walden: Uh, which (cleaes throat) makes it hard for me...
  • Alan: Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
  • Walden: Bridget feels that...
  • Bridget: (clears throat)
  • Walden: We feel... that you living here is no longer beneficial to the goals this household.
  • Bridget: Buh-bye.
  • Alan: Fine, fine. Let me just say one thing. Okay, when you guys broke up the first time, it's because Bridget thought you were a child. Turns out she's the one who keeps you a child by controlling everything you do.
  • Walden: Nuh-uh.
  • Alan: Mark my words. Next, she'll start withholding sex. You'll be like a dog begging for a bone.Or a dog with a bone. Either way, a bone will be involved.
  • Berta: Why is Zippy so upset?
  • Bridget: Walden asked him to move out.
  • Berta: (chuckles It's about time.
  • Walden: Hey, Berta?
  • Berta: Yeah?
  • Walden: Um, why don't you have a seat?
  • Berta: Ah, crap.

  • Bridget: Hi, sleepyhead.
  • Walden: Hi.
  • Bridget: Isn't this nice? Just the two of us?
  • Walden: I'm a little groggy. What happened?
  • Bridget: I have a surprise for you.
  • Walden: Oh. What is it?
  • Walden: My balls?
  • Bridget: No, sweetie. My balls.
  • Walden: (screaming)
  • Emily: How'd it go with your ex-wife?
  • Walden: It was a nightmare.

Trivia

  • This is the third episode of Two and a Half Men that featured a future scene, the others were 'I Think You Offended Don" and "Corey's Been Dead for an Hour" but the difference is Jake did not appear, Walden appeared and still owns the beach house and Charlie is still dead
  • This is second episode where most of the events that occurred weren't real. The first was Alan's dream in Frodo's Headshots.
  • It is revealed that Alan's goal is to remain living in the beach house with Walden, or whoever moved in after him and the last scene shows elderly Alan and Walden 50 years later.

Title quotation from

Walden, at the mixer, talking to an author about her books.

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