Pie Hole, Herb
September 29, 2008
Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (story)
Eddie Gorodetsky & Susan Beavers (teleplay)
Pie Hole, Herb is the 2nd episode of Season 6. It originally aired on September 29, 2008
Alan goes too far in effort to collect $38 he loaned to Charlie. Evelyn arranges a job for Jake.
Charlie borrows $38 from Alan, he promises to pay it back the next morning. When next morning arrives, Charlie is woken by Alan wanting his $38. When Charlie says he doesn't have any money, but informing the woman next to him that he still has "hooker money", Alan has to go without it.
Later, when Charlie pays
Berta for her days work, and an extra $75 because she payed for a pizza Charlie ordered, Alan wants his $38, but since he doesn't have change for a $100 bill, he doesn't get his money. When Charlie comes home later, after his car ran out of gas, tired, and wondering how a quarter tank of gas disappeared overnight, he smells gas on Alan's breath, and realised that he siphoned the gas out of his car, thereby compensating him for the money he owes him. Charlie lets it go, and says that it was well-played, and that he now has his money back, but when Alan says that he only had $13.22 worth of gas in his tank, and Charlie still owes him $24.78, Charlie throws him out of his house.
With nowhere to stay, Alan and
Jake go back to Judith's house to tell them that he is no longer living with Charlie, and that he will tell them his new address when he has one. While Alan invites himself to stay at Judith's house, Herb goes to pick up a few things from Charlie's house, because Alan wanted to avoid making a scene, and Herb ends up having margaritas with Charlie. In the middle of the night, Herb falls asleep on Charlie's balcony, and Alan, in a sleepy stupor, goes to the toilet, and then goes to sleep in Judith's bed. When she realises, she goes to Charlie's house to swap Alan for Herb. Charlie, however, refuses to take Alan back, and locks him out. Alan tries to use his key, only to find he had the locks changed in the few hours that he was away.
Charlie: Okay, okay, look, you're not going out to have fun. You never go out to have fun, because you know why? You're not a fun guy!
Alan: Oh, oh, I am very much a fun guy. We just have different definitions of fun, and mine doesn't include urinary tract infections and dry heaving.
(Jake is outdoors trying to hold a "Condos For Sale" sign)
Alan: Thanks, Mom. This is a perfect first job for him.
Charlie: First job? I think you're looking at the birth of a career.
Evelyn: I was gonna have him put up fliers, but I didn't trust him with a staple gun.
Alan: How much are you paying him?
Evelyn: Obviously, too much. Look at him! (Jake is picking his nose) For the record, I promised him $20 and a Playboy magazine.
Evelyn: Don't worry. I'll Magic Marker over the ta-tas and hoo-hoos.
Charlie: Oh, that's disturbing on so many levels.
Title quotation from
Judith, to Herb, when he asks Alan where he'll be staying after Charlie kicks him out.
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