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  • Charlie: Even hookers pro-rate.
  • Dr Freeman: Hookers don’t have to listen to you Charlie.

Dr. Linda Freeman, played by Jane Lynch, acted as Jake's therapist in Season 1, but in later seasons she would become Alan and Charlie's (now Alan and Walden's) therapist.

History[]

Linda Freeman's personal life is unknown. She is very tall. Only time she is seen on the show is in therapy sessions with Alan, Charlie, or Jake. She first appeared in the episode, "Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark", as a child therapist Judith hired for Jake, so he could deal with the divorce. She ends up providing therapy for Alan and Charlie in that same episode, allowing Alan to release pent up anger on Charlie with a foam baseball bat. Though she was sweet towards Jake, most likely because he was a little kid, she was often very sarcastic towards Charlie and Alan. Charlie and Alan visit Dr. Freeman only if one of them is having a serious problem. Such situations include: when Charlie was constipated over his decision between Mia or Chelsea, or when Alan was suffering from insomnia due to his jealousy of Charlie's success.

Charlie revealed once in the episode, "That Special Tug", that he wasn't really looking for help from Dr. Freeman, but just laying groundwork for an insanity defense in case he killed his brother. Dr. Freeman is also well known for overcharging people, such as when she charged Charlie two hundred dollars for using only five minutes of the session, or when she let Alan sleep through forty minutes of their session. She was also the therapist for Chelsea and Charlie's couples counseling, to which she mentioned Charlie's fear of commitment is geared towards his anger of his mother, and his fear of latent homosexuality. Charlie told Alan in "Tinkle Like a Princess that he had no intention of visiting his therapist again, claiming she is just another woman who wants to change him.

Dr. Freeman was not present at Charlie's funeral. But, starting with "The Squat and the Hover", she is Walden's therapist.

Quotes[]

  • "I'M NOT SITTING HERE SKETCHING PONIES CHARLIE"
  • Rather discuss your childhood
  • No
  • Father?
  • Dead
  • Mother?
  • Killed him
  • You wanna discuss that
  • We just did
  • Dr. Linda Freeman: Look, Charlie. I've got my next patient waiting. If you like we can make a weekly appointment and really explore these issues. In fact, twice a week might not be over-doing it.
  • Charlie Harper: No thanks. I prefer to deal with my demons as they escape.
  • Dr. Linda Freeman: All right.
  • Charlie Harper: So, what do I owe you ?
  • Dr. Linda Freeman: Well, I get $200 an hour, you were here for 5 minutes, so why don't we just round it off and say $200
  • Charlie Harper: Man, even hookers pro-rate.
  • Dr. Linda Freeman: Hookers don't have to listen to you, Charlie.
  • "... one of which is you have to bring him to this Ragrat exorcist... no offence".
  • "I don't know. C-section?"
  • Charlie: My brother still lives with me.
  • Dr Freeman: Sure, we knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
  • "Touch a nerve there did I?"
  • Charlie: So what’s my problem?
  • Dr Freeman: Well gee Charlie, if I tell you that then what do we do for the rest of the hour?
  • “Come on, Charlie. Dr. Seuss could diagnose this.“ - Dr. Freeman
  • “That’s telling me, Alan! Is this gonna take much longer?”
  • Dr. Freeman: [To Charlie during one of his nonsensical sessions] "Oh, nothing, it's just... sometimes I feel like I'm stealing your money."
  • That is not a headline, that is the name of the paper. - Dr. Freeman
  • Dr. Freeman: Okay, you say you love your brother. You're grateful for his help and yet it must be difficult to watch him sail through life while you remain a complete and utter failure.
  • Alan: I didn't say I was a complete failure.
  • Dr. Freeman: Huh. Why is it in my notes?
  • “Maybe I’m not gay” after she [Dr. Freeman] hugged Walden
  • Alan: "Is that a shot at me for being a chiropractor?"
  • Dr. Freeman: "No, but I am a real doctor."
  • "Well, you have a choice to make: You can stay here and make your problems go away or you can go away with your problems."
  • “I Hate You..I Hate You...I HATE YOU!!!”
  • “Who do you hate Alan?!”
  • “EVERYBODY!!”
  • “Good!”
  • "Is this going to take much longer? Because I have to get to a massage and tennis lessons that he's paying for"
  • "Wait, does it mean when I was having sex with my wife I was having sex with my mother?"
  • "I'm thinking double sessions."
  • Charlie: “Are you even listening to me”
  • Dr. Freeman: “I drift in and out”
  • “If you like, we can schedule another session to deal with your fear of vaginas.” - Dr. Freeman
  • "Something my housekeeper SAID was a suppository, but I now suspect was a practical joke."
  • Charlie: “Wow? What’s wow?”
  • Dr. Freeman: “It’s kinda like ‘huh’ with with a ‘Wuh’ and an ‘Ow’.”
  • "i definitely want to talk with Uncle Charlie"
  • “That’s telling me, Alan! Is this gonna take much longer?”
  • "I'm trying to keep your kid (Jake) from turning into a neurotic basket case like MY BROTHER!" ~ Charlie Harper to Dr Freeman
  • Charlie : "Chelsea I know I'm not perfect"
  • Therapist : Hehe
  • "Well, that's disturbing." my brother still lives with me,
  • "sure we both knew he wasn't going anywhere"
  • "Oh, come on Charlie! Just 'cause I get paid by the hour doesn't mean this should take forever..."

Trivia[]

  • When Freeman was a therapist for Jake in Season 1, she worked at a child therapy office. However, when she became Charlie and Alan's therapist in later seasons, she appeared to work at a professional office.
  • In the Ashton Kutcher-version of Two and a Half Men episode "The Squat and the Hover", she becomes Walden's therapist and it is revealed she is a lesbian (as is Jane Lynch, who portrays her).

Appearances[]

Appearances

Episode
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 Tot
Season 1 2
Season 2 0
Season 3 1
Season 4 2
Season 5 3
Season 6 2
Season 7 0
Season 8 1
Season 9 1
Season 10 0
Season 11 1
Season 12 0
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