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Kinda Like Necrophilia
S05E10
Season
Episode
10
Airdate
November 26, 2007
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Written by
Chuck Lorre & Lee Aronsohn (teleplay)
Jim Patterson & Susan Beavers (story)
Directed by
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Uncredited
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Kinda Like Necrophilia is the 10th episode of season 5. It aired on November 26, 2007.

Summary

Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend in high school, so he sets out to even the score.

Plot

When Jake is dumped by his first girlfriend Alan relates his own experience, from twenty years ago with a girl named Charity, in an attempt to lift Jake's spirit. Charlie, on the other hand, simply recommends that Jake ask out the prettiest girl in class because "the prettiest ones rarely get asked out" most guys are afraid of rejection. Alan, after relating his own tale of woe to his son, decides to call Charity and find out why he was dumped. Charlie points out that drinking and drunk dialing at two in the morning is a bad idea, but Alan calls anyway. Charity then tells Alan to ask Charlie why she dumped him. Charlie has already fled the scene when Alan turns to ask. Alan, now realizing that his own brother stole his girlfriend vows revenge.

Alan's opportunity arises when Gabrielle shows up at the front door complaining that Charlie won't answer her calls. Alan takes advantage of her appearance and sympathies with her plight. Alan and Gabrielle have a date that Charlie walks in on and Charlie shames Alan for "stealing his girl" pointing out how childish it is to seek revenge after twenty odd years. The next day Charlie extracts an apology from Alan, but insists that Alan continue to date Gabrielle.

When things get intimate between Alan and Gabrielle he finds that she's extremely cold, as she lies on the bed like a corpse, telling Alan to "get it over with." Alan flees and confronts Charlie the next day pointing out that Charlie was just trying to dump Gabrielle. Charlie confesses saying "I didn't want to hurt her feelings." and points out that it's "kind of like necrophilia isn't it?" Alan asks "are we even now?" Later Charlie introduces Alan to his latest girlfriend, Charity the "stolen" girlfriend from twenty years ago. As Charlie and Charity head for the bedroom Charlie says "Now we are even."

Cast

Quotes

  • Alan: (echoing from distance) I hate you!

Trivia

This was the last episode aired, prior to the 2007-2008 Writers' Strike.

Title quotation from

Charlie, about how Gabrielle behaves in bed.

Two and a Half Men Episodes
Season 1
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Season 2
Back Off, Mary PoppinsEnjoy Those Garlic BallsA Bag Full of JaweaGo Get Mommy's BraBad News from the ClinicThe Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal VigilanceA Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in FontanaFrankenstein and the Horny VillagersYes, MonsignorThe Salmon Under My SweaterLast Chance to See Those TattoosA Lungful of AlanZejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My HairThose Big Pink Things With CoconutsSmell the Umbrella StandCan You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!It Was Mame, MomA Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping NoiseI Always Wanted a Shaved MonkeyA Sympathetic Crotch to Cry OnThat Old Hose Bag Is My MotherSquab, Squab, Squab, Squab, SquabDoes This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3
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Season 4
Working for CaligulaWho's Vod Kanockers?The Sea is a Harsh MistressA Pot Smoking MonkeyA Live Woman of Proven FertilityApologies for the FrivolityRepeated Blows to His Unformed HeadRelease the DogsCorey's Been Dead for an HourKissing Abraham LincolnWalnuts and DemerolCastrating Sheep in MontanaDon't Worry, Speed RacerThat's Summer Sausage, Not SalamiMy Damn StalkerYoung People Have Phlegm TooI Merely Slept with a CommieIt Never Rains in HootervilleSmooth as a Ken DollAunt Myra Doesn't Pee a LotTucked, Taped and GorgeousMr. McGlue's FeedbagAnteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5
Large Birds, Spiders and MomMedia Room Slash DungeonDum Diddy Dum Diddy DooCity of Great RacksPutting Swim Fins on a CatHelp Daddy Find His ToenailThe Leather Gear Is in the Guest RoomIs There a Mrs. Waffles?Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar LidsKinda Like NecrophiliaMeander to Your DanderA Little Clammy and None Too FreshThe Soil is MoistWinky-Dink TimeRough Night in Hump JunctionLook at Me, Mommy, I'm PrettyFish in a DrawerIf My Hole Could TalkWaiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6
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Season 8
Three Girls and a Guy Named BudA Bottle of Wine and a JackhammerA Pudding-Filled CactusHookers, Hookers, HookersThe Immortal Mr. Billy JoelTwanging Your Magic ClangerThe Crazy Bitch GazetteSpringtime on a StickA Good Time in Central AfricaOw, Ow, Don't StopDead from the Waist DownChocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's DeadSkunk, Dog Crap and KetchupLookin' for Japanese SubsThree Hookers and a Philly CheesesteakThat Darn Priest
Season 9
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Season 10
I Changed My Mind About the MilkA Big Bag of DogFour Balls, Two Bats and One MittYou Do Know What The Lollipop Is ForThat's Not What They Call It In AmsterdamFerrets, Attack!Avoid The Chinese MustardSomething My Gynecologist SaidI Scream When I PeeOne Nut JohnsonGive Santa a Tail-HoleWelcome to AlancrestGrab A Feather And Get In LineRun, Steven Staven! Run!Paint It, Pierce It or Plug ItAdvantage: Fat, Flying BabyThrogwarten Middle School MysteriesThe 9:04 From PembertonBig Episode. Someone Stole A SpoonBazinga! That's From a TV ShowAnother Night With Neil DiamondMy Bodacious VidaliaCows, Prepare to be Tipped
Season 11
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Season 12
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