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Big Flappy Bastards
Taahm-1x02
Season
Episode
02
Airdate
September 29, 2003
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Big Flappy Bastards is the 2nd episode of season 1, and 2nd episode overall.

Plot

Alan leaves Charlie in-charge of Jake whilst he goes grocery shopping. As Jake is being punished, Alan asks Charlie not to let him have any fun, instead make him fold the laundry. Charlie, not being as strict as Alan, plays soft-golf with Jake, using a sock from the laundry as a golf-ball. His softness with him also results in Jake not obeying him at later stages, which include leaving juice boxes on the piano, feeding seagulls on the deck and watching T.V. when not allowed.

Alan, meanwhile, keeps on returning to Judith’s place to help her with house chores. His original intentions are that he loves her and wants her back. When Charlie suggests to Alan that he is being used, Alan snaps at Charlie, denys his assumptions and leaves. Afterwhich, when fixing a leaky sprinkler, Alan tells Judith that he's had enough trying to win her back and that she is free, the two end up sharing a kiss, making him stay with her.

Though Charlie explains to Jake not to feed the seagulls, as they do not leave easily, Jake disobeys Charlie, and feeds them in his room, resulting in many seagulls occupying his room. In order to make the seagulls leave, Charlie captures some live bait, and plans to throw them out of the window. The plan backfires when the seagulls attack Charlie instantly.

Jake, realizing that he made a mistake, tries to mend things with Charlie, who turns hard on him, and refuses to love him back, making Jake sulk on deck. Alan explains to Charlie that parenting is difficult, and as punishment, elders may take away some privileges from the younger, but not their love. Charlie responds to that saying that Alan had already taken away all of Jake’s good stuff. Thinking quickly, Charlie buys Jake an Xbox and some games, but as punishment, he is not allowed to play them for a month.

Later on, Alan realizes that his marriage is over when Judith explains that she kissed him only because she was afraid of him leaving her. The seagulls also leave Jake’s room when they start feeling hungry.

Cast

Title quotation from

Charlie, describing the seagull as he prepares to clear them out of Jake's room.

Trivia

  • The German episode title is "Der Sockengolf-Champion", meaning "The Sock Golf Champion". The French title is "Les intrus", meaning "The Intruders". The Italian title is "Dannati pennuti", meaning "Damned Birds". The Spanish title is "Ratas Voladoras", meaning "Flying Rats".
  • Starting with this episode, the episode title is a line said by one of the characters.
  • This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #109.
  • Charlie says over the phone, "I got a flock of seagulls on my deck! NO, I don't know whatever happened to them!!!" He coud be making a reference to the 1980s one-hit wonder A Flock of Seagulls, known for their sole hit "(I Ran) So Far Away".
  • This is the first episode that shows hints of Charlie Harper's fear of birds.

Quotes

  • Charlie: (Jake's bedroom is full of seagulls. Charlie has a chum-bucket) I'm going to throw the bait out the window to lure the birds out of the house.
    Alan: Oh, that's pretty clever.
    Charlie: Yeah, it's a variation on something I do with women and tennis bracelets.
  • Charlie: (in response to giving Jake the silent treatment) Listen, I've tried with that kid, Alan. He says one thing, then he goes and does another.
    Alan: He's ten. He's got the attention span of a hummingbird!
    Charlie: Well, then, what am I supposed to do when he ignores me?
    Alan: You punish him. You take away his computer, his TV, his toys.
    Charlie: Well, you already took away all the good stuff. What am I supposed to do, take his bronchial inhaler?
  • Alan: Charlie, I want Jake to follow the rules, so I need you to be my eyes and my ears.
    Charlie: Ok, I need you to be my liver and my prostate.
Two and a Half Men Episodes
Season 1
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Season 2
Back Off, Mary PoppinsEnjoy Those Garlic BallsA Bag Full of JaweaGo Get Mommy's BraBad News from the ClinicThe Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal VigilanceA Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in FontanaFrankenstein and the Horny VillagersYes, MonsignorThe Salmon Under My SweaterLast Chance to See Those TattoosA Lungful of AlanZejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My HairThose Big Pink Things With CoconutsSmell the Umbrella StandCan You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!It Was Mame, MomA Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping NoiseI Always Wanted a Shaved MonkeyA Sympathetic Crotch to Cry OnThat Old Hose Bag Is My MotherSquab, Squab, Squab, Squab, SquabDoes This Smell Funny to You?
Season 3
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic GymnastsPrincipal Gallagher's Lesbian LoverCarpet Burns and a Bite MarkYour Dismissive Attitude Toward BoobsWe Called It Mr. PinkyHi, Mr. Horned OneSleep Tight, Puddin' PopThat Voodoo That I Do DoMadame and Her Special FriendSomething Salted and TwistedSanta's Village of the DamnedThat Special TugHumiliation is a Visual MediumLove Isn't Blind, It's RetardedMy Tongue Is MeatErgo, The Booty CallThe Unfortunate Little SchnauserThe Spit-Covered CobblerGolly Moses, She's a MuffinAlways a Bridesmaid, Never a BurroAnd the Plot MoistensJust Once With Aunt SophieArguments for the QuickieThat Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Season 4
Working for CaligulaWho's Vod Kanockers?The Sea is a Harsh MistressA Pot Smoking MonkeyA Live Woman of Proven FertilityApologies for the FrivolityRepeated Blows to His Unformed HeadRelease the DogsCorey's Been Dead for an HourKissing Abraham LincolnWalnuts and DemerolCastrating Sheep in MontanaDon't Worry, Speed RacerThat's Summer Sausage, Not SalamiMy Damn StalkerYoung People Have Phlegm TooI Merely Slept with a CommieIt Never Rains in HootervilleSmooth as a Ken DollAunt Myra Doesn't Pee a LotTucked, Taped and GorgeousMr. McGlue's FeedbagAnteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin'Prostitutes and Gelato
Season 5
Large Birds, Spiders and MomMedia Room Slash DungeonDum Diddy Dum Diddy DooCity of Great RacksPutting Swim Fins on a CatHelp Daddy Find His ToenailThe Leather Gear Is in the Guest RoomIs There a Mrs. Waffles?Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar LidsKinda Like NecrophiliaMeander to Your DanderA Little Clammy and None Too FreshThe Soil is MoistWinky-Dink TimeRough Night in Hump JunctionLook at Me, Mommy, I'm PrettyFish in a DrawerIf My Hole Could TalkWaiting for the Right Snapper
Season 6
Taterhead is Our Love ChildPie Hole, HerbDamn You, Eggs BenedictThe Flavin' and the Mavin'A Jock Strap In HellIt's Always Nazi WeekBest H.O. Money Can BuyPinocchio's MouthThe Mooch At The BooHe Smelled The Ham, He Got ExcitedThe Devil's LubeThank God for ScoliosisI Think You Offended DonDavid Copperfield Slipped Me a RoofieI'd Like to Start with the CatShe'll Still Be Dead at HalftimeThe 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?My Son's Enormous HeadThe Two Finger RuleHello, I am Alan CousteauAbove Exalted CyclopsSir Lancelot's Litter BoxGood Morning, Mrs. ButterworthBaseball Was Better With Steroids
Season 7
818-jklpuzoWhipped Unto The Third GenerationMmm, fish. Yum.Laxative Tester, Horse InseminatorFor The Sake of The ChildGive Me Your ThumbUntainted by FilthGorp. Fnark. Schmegle.Captain Terry's Spray-On HairThat's Why They Call It "Ball Room"Warning, It's DirtyFart Jokes, Pie and CelesteYay, No Polyps!Crude and Uncalled ForAye, Aye, Captain DoucheTinkle Like a PrincessI Found Your MoustacheIxnay On The Oggie DayKeith Moon Is Vomiting In His GraveI Called Him MagooGumby with a PokeyThis Is Not Gonna End Well
Season 8
Three Girls and a Guy Named BudA Bottle of Wine and a JackhammerA Pudding-Filled CactusHookers, Hookers, HookersThe Immortal Mr. Billy JoelTwanging Your Magic ClangerThe Crazy Bitch GazetteSpringtime on a StickA Good Time in Central AfricaOw, Ow, Don't StopDead from the Waist DownChocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's DeadSkunk, Dog Crap and KetchupLookin' for Japanese SubsThree Hookers and a Philly CheesesteakThat Darn Priest
Season 9
Nice to Meet You, Walden SchmidtPeople Who Love PeepholesBig Girls Don't Throw FoodNine Magic FingersA Giant Cat Holding a ChurroThe Squat and the HoverThose Fancy Japanese ToiletsThank You For The IntercourseFrodo's HeadshotsA Fishbowl Full of Glass EyesWhat A Lovely Landing StripOne False Move, Zimbabwe!Slowly and In A Circular FashionA Possum on ChemoThe Duchess of Dull-in-SackSips, Sonnets and SodomyNot In My Mouth!The War Against GingivitisPalmdale, EchGrandma's PieMr. Hose Says "Yes"Why We Gave Up WomenThe Straw In My Donut HoleOh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Season 10
I Changed My Mind About the MilkA Big Bag of DogFour Balls, Two Bats and One MittYou Do Know What The Lollipop Is ForThat's Not What They Call It In AmsterdamFerrets, Attack!Avoid The Chinese MustardSomething My Gynecologist SaidI Scream When I PeeOne Nut JohnsonGive Santa a Tail-HoleWelcome to AlancrestGrab A Feather And Get In LineRun, Steven Staven! Run!Paint It, Pierce It or Plug ItAdvantage: Fat, Flying BabyThrogwarten Middle School MysteriesThe 9:04 From PembertonBig Episode. Someone Stole A SpoonBazinga! That's From a TV ShowAnother Night With Neil DiamondMy Bodacious VidaliaCows, Prepare to be Tipped
Season 11
NangnangnangnangI Think I Banged Lucille BallThis Unblessed BiscuitClank, Clank, Drunken SkankAlan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003Justice in Star-Spangled Hot PantsSome Kind of Lesbian ZombieMr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.Numero Uno Accidente LawyerOn Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!Tazed In The Lady NutsBaseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.Bite Me, Supreme CourtThree Fingers of Crème de MentheCab Fare and a Bottle of PenicillinHow to Get Rid of Alan HarperWelcome Home, JakeWest Side StoryLan Mao Shi Zai Wuding ShangLotta Delis in Little ArmeniaDial 1-900-Mix-A-LotOh, Wald-e, Good Times Ahead
Season 12
The Ol' Mexican SpinachA Chic Bar in IbizaGlamping in a YurtThirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-EightOontz, Oontz, OontzAlan Shot a Little GirlSex With an Animated Ed AsnerFamily, Bublé, Deep-Fried TurkeyBouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, LyndseyHere I Come, Pants!For Whom the Booty CallsA Beer-Battered Rip-OffBoompa Loved His HookersDon't Give a Monkey a GunOf Course He's Dead

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