Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats
February 23, 2004
Jeff Abugov & Eric Lapidus (story)
Eddie Gorodetsky & Mark Roberts (teleplay)
Kris Iyer - Dr. Prajneep
Vernee Watson Johnson - Nurse Ski Carr - Gonzales Elise Robertson - Second Nurse
Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats is the 17th episode of season one, and the 17th episode overall.
Jake off at Alan and Charlie’s, Judith gives Alan her divorce lawyer’s bills, and a Life Insurance renewal plan for Alan, in case he dies and cannot pay the legal fees and alimony. This angers Alan, and he announces to Judith’s face that the custody of Jake would go to Charlie in case he dies after Judith’s dies. Judith tries to argue, and leaves to keep the matter quiet. As Charlie thanks Alan for letting be able to take care of Jake in case he passes away, Alan admits he was just saying that to make Judith angry and Charlie later finds out, however, that he would not get custody, and Jake would go to their cousin Jerry and his wife Fey, who are agriculture professors in Coventry Rhode Island. Charlie, hurt at his brother’s decision, leaves for some drinks.
The next day
Evelyn visits Jake. When she finds out the reason of Charlie’s sulking, she also becomes angry with Alan, especially because of the fact that Alan chose his cousins over his dear mother.
While playing Basket Ball with Charlie, Alan leaves Jake in care of him. After Alan leaves, Jake falls, and receives injury on his back head. Thinking quickly, Charlie take Jake to the hospital, and fills out a form for him, bribes a patient to let Jake get fixed first.
After Jake gets fixed, Charlie brings him back, and they walk in on Alan, who is in a discussion with Evelyn, who had decided to change her Medical Power of Attorney from Alan to Charlie. Though, Charlie tried to lie to Alan, Alan ends up knowing about the incident anyway. Seeing the way Charlie responsibly took care of Jake, Alan decides to name Charlie the caretaker of Jake, should Judith and Alan die.
Kris Iyer as Dr. Prajneep
Alan: Uh, if Mom's ever in a coma, you're the one who has to decide to pull the plug.
Alan [To Evelyn on phone]: Al right mom, Charlie’s on board.
Charlie [Filling out Jake's hospital form]: Last name: Harper. First Name: Jacob?
Charlie: Jacob. I knew that. Middle name...
Charlie: What? Of course I know. I wanna see if you know, you fell on your head dude.
Charlie: Wow, Jacob David. They really went full Old Testament on you, didn't they? Allergies?
Charlie: Is there anything you that makes you sick?
Charlie: No allergies. Have you ever had the following? Measles?
Jake: Is that the one with the spots?
Charlie: Family History? Well your grandmother's always been a pain in the ass.
In this episode it is revealed that Jake's full name is Jacob David Harper.
Title quotation from
Charlie, as he attempts to cover the fact that Jake has stitches from a basketball accident.
Two and a Half Men
Pilot • Big Flappy Bastards • Go East On Sunset Until You Reach The Gates Of Hell • If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going To Take A Nap • The Last Thing You Want To Do Is Wind Up With A Hump • Did You Check With The Captain Of The Flying Monkeys? • If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake • Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without A Snoot-ful • Phase One, Complete • Merry Thanksgiving • Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor • Camel Filters And Pheromones • Sarah Like Puny Alan • I Can't Afford Hyenas • Round One To The Hot Crazy Chick • That Was Saliva, Alan • Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats • An Old Flame With A New Wick • I Remember The Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You • Hey, I Can Pee Outside In The Dark • No Sniffing, No Wowing • My Doctor Has A Cow Puppet • Just Like Buffalo • Can You Feel My Finger?
Back Off, Mary Poppins • Enjoy Those Garlic Balls • A Bag Full of Jawea • Go Get Mommy's Bra • Bad News from the Clinic • The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance • A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana • Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers • Yes, Monsignor • The Salmon Under My Sweater • Last Chance to See Those Tattoos • A Lungful of Alan • Zejdz z Moich Wlosów a.k.a. Get Off My Hair • Those Big Pink Things With Coconuts • Smell the Umbrella Stand • Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? • Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! • It Was Mame, Mom • A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise • I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey • A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On • That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother • Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab • Does This Smell Funny to You?
Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts • Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover • Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark • Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs • We Called It Mr. Pinky • Hi, Mr. Horned One • Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop • That Voodoo That I Do Do • Madame and Her Special Friend • Something Salted and Twisted • Santa's Village of the Damned • That Special Tug • Humiliation is a Visual Medium • Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded • My Tongue Is Meat • Ergo, The Booty Call • The Unfortunate Little Schnauser • The Spit-Covered Cobbler • Golly Moses, She's a Muffin • Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro • And the Plot Moistens • Just Once With Aunt Sophie • Arguments for the Quickie • That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Working for Caligula • Who's Vod Kanockers? • The Sea is a Harsh Mistress • A Pot Smoking Monkey • A Live Woman of Proven Fertility • Apologies for the Frivolity • Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head • Release the Dogs • Corey's Been Dead for an Hour • Kissing Abraham Lincoln • Walnuts and Demerol • Castrating Sheep in Montana • Don't Worry, Speed Racer • That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami • My Damn Stalker • Young People Have Phlegm Too • I Merely Slept with a Commie • It Never Rains in Hooterville • Smooth as a Ken Doll • Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot • Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous • Mr. McGlue's Feedbag • Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin' • Prostitutes and Gelato
Large Birds, Spiders and Mom • Media Room Slash Dungeon • Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo • City of Great Racks • Putting Swim Fins on a Cat • Help Daddy Find His Toenail • The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room • Is There a Mrs. Waffles? • Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids • Kinda Like Necrophilia • Meander to Your Dander • A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh • The Soil is Moist • Winky-Dink Time • Rough Night in Hump Junction • Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty • Fish in a Drawer • If My Hole Could Talk • Waiting for the Right Snapper
Taterhead is Our Love Child • Pie Hole, Herb • Damn You, Eggs Benedict • The Flavin' and the Mavin' • A Jock Strap In Hell • It's Always Nazi Week • Best H.O. Money Can Buy • Pinocchio's Mouth • The Mooch At The Boo • He Smelled The Ham, He Got Excited • The Devil's Lube • Thank God for Scoliosis • I Think You Offended Don • David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie • I'd Like to Start with the Cat • She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime • The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? • My Son's Enormous Head • The Two Finger Rule • Hello, I am Alan Cousteau • Above Exalted Cyclops • Sir Lancelot's Litter Box • Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth • Baseball Was Better With Steroids
818-jklpuzo • Whipped Unto The Third Generation • Mmm, fish. Yum. • Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator • For The Sake of The Child • Give Me Your Thumb • Untainted by Filth • Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. • Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair • That's Why They Call It "Ball Room" • Warning, It's Dirty • Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste • Yay, No Polyps! • Crude and Uncalled For • Aye, Aye, Captain Douche • Tinkle Like a Princess • I Found Your Moustache • Ixnay On The Oggie Day • Keith Moon Is Vomiting In His Grave • I Called Him Magoo • Gumby with a Pokey • This Is Not Gonna End Well
Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud • A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer • A Pudding-Filled Cactus • Hookers, Hookers, Hookers • The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel • Twanging Your Magic Clanger • The Crazy Bitch Gazette • Springtime on a Stick • A Good Time in Central Africa • Ow, Ow, Don't Stop • Dead from the Waist Down • Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead • Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup • Lookin' for Japanese Subs • Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak • That Darn Priest
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt • People Who Love Peepholes • Big Girls Don't Throw Food • Nine Magic Fingers • A Giant Cat Holding a Churro • The Squat and the Hover • Those Fancy Japanese Toilets • Thank You For The Intercourse • Frodo's Headshots • A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes • What A Lovely Landing Strip • One False Move, Zimbabwe! • Slowly and In A Circular Fashion • A Possum on Chemo • The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack • Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy • Not In My Mouth! • The War Against Gingivitis • Palmdale, Ech • Grandma's Pie • Mr. Hose Says "Yes" • Why We Gave Up Women • The Straw In My Donut Hole • Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
I Changed My Mind About the Milk • A Big Bag of Dog • Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt • You Do Know What The Lollipop Is For • That's Not What They Call It In Amsterdam • Ferrets, Attack! • Avoid The Chinese Mustard • Something My Gynecologist Said • I Scream When I Pee • One Nut Johnson • Give Santa a Tail-Hole • Welcome to Alancrest • Grab A Feather And Get In Line • Run, Steven Staven! Run! • Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It • Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby • Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries • The 9:04 From Pemberton • Big Episode. Someone Stole A Spoon • Bazinga! That's From a TV Show • Another Night With Neil Diamond • My Bodacious Vidalia • Cows, Prepare to be Tipped
Nangnangnangnang • I Think I Banged Lucille Ball • This Unblessed Biscuit • Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank • Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 • Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants • Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie • Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. • Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer • On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! • Tazed In The Lady Nuts • Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. • Bite Me, Supreme Court • Three Fingers of Crème de Menthe • Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin • How to Get Rid of Alan Harper • Welcome Home, Jake • West Side Story • Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang • Lotta Delis in Little Armenia • Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot • Oh, Wald-e, Good Times Ahead
The Ol' Mexican Spinach • A Chic Bar in Ibiza • Glamping in a Yurt • Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight • Oontz, Oontz, Oontz • Alan Shot a Little Girl • Sex With an Animated Ed Asner • Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey • Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey • Here I Come, Pants! • For Whom the Booty Calls • A Beer-Battered Rip-Off • Boompa Loved His Hookers • Don't Give a Monkey a Gun • Of Course He's Dead