What are you doing here? And how'd you get in?"
|Alan to Jake|
Dr. Alan Jerome Harper, DC, is one of the main characters of Two and a Half Men. He was the show's deuteragonist for the first 8 seasons, and the main protagonist of the final 4 seasons.
Alan used to be married to Judith , who is the mother of their son Jake, then Judith divorced Alan. The divorce was hard on Alan, He lost almost all of his possessions and got stuck with paying her $3,875 monthly alimony.
Alan drives a Volvo station wagon and runs his own chiropractic care clinic out in the San Fernando Valley (even winning The San Fernando Valley Chiropractic Award more than once), though he gets irritated when people point out he is not a medical doctor. Alan wanted to be a M.D., but the only school he could afford was one in Mexico.
While he loves his brother and son, Alan harbors a degree of resentment towards Charlie since money and women just seem to fall into his lap, while Alan, who has worked hard his entire life, remains a failure, and has yet to reap such rewards. He seems to have little faith in Jake due to his lazy and unmotivated attitude.
Alan's second wife, Kandi (April Bowlby), was one of Charlie's former girlfriends. She's known for being so incredibly stupid that she makes Jake look like an intellectual—along with a lot of the other bimbos Charlie beds. Her mother said she inherited that stupidity from her "moron" father. She tends to date only older men as she may have some father issues.
Judith lived a luxurious life on Alan's alimony until she got remarried to Dr. Herb Melnick (also known as Greg Melnick in earlier episodes), Jake's pediatrician (Ryan Stiles), which meant Alan didn't have to pay her alimony anymore. Alan was over the moon, even pushing them to get together. They are good friends and he is even closer to Charlie and Alan than to her.
In the divorce, Kandi received Alan's condo which they bought with the casino winnings they earned right after their impromptu Las Vegas wedding.
Alan lives in the guest room of Charlie's Malibu Beach House. He did not pay any rent for the first 5 years, 2 months and eleven days that he was living there, since nearly every cent he had went towards alimony and taking care of Jake; when Evelyn said she would pay for Jake's college education, Alan had no incentive to go to work and felt aimless. He then agreed to fork over some money to Charlie every month, though the amount that would earn him a say in the household's operations was too high for him.
Alan and Judith have relations right before Judith and Herb did, Judith became impregnated with one or the other's child. Although there has been hints of it being Alan's and not Herb's, nobody actually knows her real father. Charlie once pointed out that she could even not be either of theirs.
He starts to hang out with Herb, much to Judith's dismay. He starts dating a woman named Lyndsey McElroy, which is the mother of Jake's friend Eldridge McElroy. Alan and Lyndsey fool around in a bathroom.
After Charlie's death and funeral in Season 9, Alan was very saddened and lonely. He shares a heartfelt goodbye to Charlie's cremated remains, expressing his love for him and appreciation for letting Jake and him live there for the past eight years. He was going to scatter his ashes along the beach until Walden's sudden appearance startled him, causing him to accidentally throw the urn containing Charlie's ashes into the air, scattering Charie's remains all over the living room. As he is unable to afford the beach house, Alan reluctantly sells the house to Walden, Alan and Jake continued to live the house permanently, which has been their home for eight years; he is considered by Walden to be his best friend. He continues to be Walden's guide into the world of dating and, well... basically everything else he hasn't done that an average joe does. Although he is genuinely Walden's best friend, caring deeply for him (sometimes to the point of implied homosexuality), Alan has an ulterior motive: keep Walden in the house and paying for it so he doesn't end up homeless or having to live with Evelyn. He intends on spending the rest of his life living with Walden, further implying that Alan harbors some sort of feelings for him, but it is quite established that Walden and Alan are both straight.
However, his repressed grief over losing his only brother eventually gets the better of him causing him to go insane believing himself to be Charlie. This is spurred by the desire to live the life his brother had and as a way to try to keep his brother "alive". After spending 28 days in a rehab center and Walden remodels his deceased brother's beach house, Alan sadly realizes that Charlie is really gone and he no longer has a reason to stay in his late brother's beach house. Walden assures him that he still belongs there and Alan continues to stay in Charlie's (now Walden & Alan's) beach house.
Alan and Lyndsey get engaged; Kandi comes back to reconcile with Alan, but is turned down; and Lyndsey calls off the wedding when the spark is gone in their relationship.
Alan's long-lost niece comes to town and moves in with him and Walden. In the first episode of the season, it is revealed that Alan's clinic went out of business due to his financial woes, therefore leaving him unemployed. However, he had to fake his own death to get out of paying the back-rent he couldn't afford to pay. Alan and Lyndsey starting having an affair together after troubles with Lyndsey's boyfriend. Alan and Judith also briefly get back together and engaged after a drunken night, but call it off when Judith learns Alan planned on proposing to Lyndsey first. Alan and Lyndsey's affair eventually comes to an end when Alan hooks up with Larry's sister Gretchen. They soon become engaged to be married, but it is all put on hold when Gretchen's former husband returns to make amends. She tells Alan that they're not over, but she must think it all over before making up her mind.
Alan is the breathing definition of a deadbeat dad, A Complete and utter failure and hopelessly neurotic, Complete and utter loser. He cannot afford the finer things in life and resorts to mooching off other people. Due to alimony and child support, Alan is flat broke, the income he brings in is about as much as a pair of shoes. Even when he's expected to Alan rarely ever pays whether it be for dinner or even pizza and normally resorts to hiding in the bathroom or purposefully forgetting his wallet. As mentioned by his son, Jake, Alan is extremely shameless claiming that it is a rich man emotion and that he can barely afford humiliation, he goes as far to convince Walden Schmidt to stay with his current girlfriend instead of going back to his ex-wife so he could stay in the Malibu beach house and went as far to create on elaborate Ponzi scheme to trick his family. Alan has proven to be quite slick, he was able to live in a Malibu beach house completely rent free for twelve years although this was possibly out of pity.
Relationship-wise Alan is extremely unlucky which possibly stems back to his childhood, his relationship with his mother Evelyn was extremly strained there was rarely if any love connection between the two but Alan still seemed to love her however as the series grows this connection becomes all but lost. Alan has a tendency to pick up women who are "broken" such as Judith in hopes that they will love him however in a twist of irony virtually all of his past romances came to resent him except for Lyndesy. Although he may deny it he is whipped specifically by his ex-wife Judith during their marriage and after their divorce, he is utterly dominated by her and is incredibly fearful around her however he will albeit very rarely stand up to her as when he Charlie was going to her second wedding with her husbands sister, he devoleps what Berta calls "phone cajones." When it came to his son Jake, the two had a very strong father-son relationship in the first few seasons but as time goes on, Jake would much rather prefer to stay in his room or hang around with his friends than Alan, something that he himself had come to terms with and actually had an emotional breakdown. However when he was about to leave for Japan, Jake admits that he would have no one else to be his dad. Charlie and Alan have a stereotypical brother relationship, the two rarely express their feelings for one another and constantly bicker, put one another down and even resorts to physical violence. However this was most likely was due to a jealousy of one another, when needed Charlie and Alan can be very kind and generous, Charlie invited Alan and his son Jake to live in his home and left it in his will for him. Alan was also left completely devastated when Charlie had passed away.
It's no secret that Alan is a very effeminate man, he possesses a wide vocabulary and many people including Charlie, Berta, Jake, Judith and Evelyn thought that he was gay for him to reply that he was metrosexual. Alan enjoys watching Glee and has behaviourists that resemble that of a homosexual person, he was easily able to convince Charlie's employer that he was gay and actually kissed one of his gay friends only to be rejected as he apparently found Charlie the more attractive of the two.
However despite his Alan at times can also be aggressive, violent and prone to the use of physical violence, the most common person he does this with is his brother where they normally go from bickering to actually attacking one another, this apparently got so out of hand that the two actually fell off a railing on his balcony. Alan also showed a violent temper, when he was accused of stealing silly putty when he was young and discovered that it was Charlie who framed him and then tried to violently beat down the door and threatened to kill him. The final time this has happened was when he was on a date with a person he met on the dating website and someone flirted with his date, Alan actually punched him square in the face.
Stemming back to Alan's unlucky nature, he is constantly seen getting into physical pain which goes from getting kicked in the crotch or hot liquids being poured on him, he has also been electrified with a taser, fell off from the top of a ladder and got hit in the eye with a piece of toast. Alan also has a very inactive sex life, the two relationships that revolved purely around their sex life was with Kandi, a woman who he married and Nancy, a person who he thought he love and planned to propose to even though he barely knew her and was brutally shot down when her husband returned to town early.
- Alan's middle name is Jerome.
- He shares some qualities with Sheldon Cooper, a character from The Big Bang Theory, another sitcom created by Chuck Lorre.
- Alan is an unplanned child. His mother personally assures him how he's "a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom", in "The Sea is a Harsh Mistress".
- In the episode 'Warning, It's Dirty', Evelyn reminds Charlie how forty years earlier, he had asked for a little brother for Christmas, which in contrast puts in doubt whether Alan was unplanned or not.
- Despite leading an immensely pathetic life, he is afraid of death.
- In Gorf. Fnark. Schemegle, it is revealed that Alan is turned on by (even if they are a little fat) angry women.
- Walden, Robin, and Brooke all believe Alan is older than 45, and they believe he is 60. (Though he is 42 or 43, depending on how much time has passed since the end of season 8)
- As of the series finale, Alan is the surviving son of Evelyn Harper after Charlie's death
- There is a lack of continuity regarding Alan Harper because in the episode "Slowly and In A Circular Fashion" he received $50,000 a year and yet in "Mr. Hose Says "Yes"" he says going to a hotel requires money and I have none." It could be that he has already spent all of that money.
- Also in "Slowly and In A Circular Fashion" he received his name on the deeds to the house and yet in "Mr. Hose Says "Yes"" Zoey snidely tells him "Thank you for letting Walden use his own house for a change." It's possible that she does not know his name is on the deed.
- One of Alan's worst moments of cheapness happens during the episode "Why We Gave Up Women". As he was having a heart attack, and Walden had dropped one hundred dollars, he crawled to it even when he was having the heart attack.
- His name is an anagram for Anal, which Charlie once used to describe his personality.
- Herb and Walden are the only two characters who consider Alan a friend.
- Only in the first season that he never talked about his cheapness.
- He wears tighty-whities.
- Alan is the only character on the show to appear in every episode of the series.
- In "Bite Me, Supreme Court", it was found out Alan took ballet when he was 14.
- Two and a Half Men was similar to the odd couple, he was similar to Felix Unger. A neat freak and obsessive compulsive. Except Alan is cheap and annoying. When he was rooming with Walden and his brother Charlie. Every girl saw him as annoying and cheap.