What are you doing here? And how'd you get in?"
|Alan to Jake|
Dr. Alan Jerome Harper, DC, is one of the main characters of Two and a Half Men. He was the show's deuteragonist for the first 8 seasons, and the main protagonist of the final 4 seasons.
Alan used to be married to Judith, who is the mother of their son Jake, then Judith divorced Alan. The divorce was hard on Alan, He lost almost all of his possessions and got stuck with paying her $3,875 monthly alimony.
Alan drives a Volvo station wagon and runs his own chiropractic care clinic out in the San Fernando Valley (even winning The San Fernando Valley Chiropractic Award more than once), though he gets irritated when people point out he is not a medical doctor. Alan wanted to be a M.D., but the only school he could afford was one in Mexico.
While he loves his brother and son, Alan harbors a degree of resentment towards Charlie since money and women just seem to fall into his lap, while Alan, who has worked hard his entire life, remains a failure, and has yet to reap such rewards. He seems to have little faith in Jake due to his lazy and unmotivated attitude.
Alan's second wife, Kandi (April Bowlby), was one of Charlie's former girlfriends. She's known for being so incredibly stupid that she makes Jake look like an intellectual—along with a lot of the other bimbos Charlie beds. Her mother said she inherited that stupidity from her "moron" father. She tends to date only older men as she may have some father issues.
Judith lived a luxurious life on Alan's alimony until she got remarried to Dr. Herb Melnick (also known as Greg Melnick in earlier episodes), Jake's pediatrician (Ryan Stiles), which meant Alan didn't have to pay her alimony anymore. Alan was over the moon, even pushing them to get together. They are good friends and he is even closer to Charlie and Alan than to her.
In the divorce, Kandi received Alan's condo which they bought with the casino winnings they earned right after their impromptu Las Vegas wedding.
Alan lives in the guest room of Charlie's Malibu Beach House. He did not pay any rent for the first 5 years, 2 months and eleven days that he was living there, since nearly every cent he had went towards alimony and taking care of Jake; when Evelyn said she would pay for Jake's college education, Alan had no incentive to go to work and felt aimless. He then agreed to fork over some money to Charlie every month, though the amount that would earn him a say in the household's operations was too high for him.
Alan and Judith have relations right before Judith and Herb did, Judith became impregnated with one or the other's child. Although there has been hints of it being Alan's and not Herb's, nobody actually knows her real father. Charlie once pointed out that she could even not be either of theirs.
He starts to hang out with Herb, much to Judith's dismay. He starts dating a woman named Lyndsey McElroy, which is the mother of Jake's friend Eldridge McElroy. Alan and Lyndsey fool around in a bathroom.
After Charlie's death and funeral in Season 9, Alan was very saddened and lonely. He shares a heartfelt goodbye to Charlie's cremated remains, expressing his love for him and appreciation for letting Jake and him live there for the past eight years. He was going to scatter his ashes along the beach until Walden's sudden appearance startled him, causing him to accidentally throw the urn containing Charlie's ashes into the air, scattering Charie's remains all over the living room. As he is unable to afford the beach house, Alan reluctantly sells the house to Walden, Alan and Jake continued to live the house permanently, which has been their home for eight years; he is considered by Walden to be his best friend. He continues to be Walden's guide into the world of dating and, well... basically everything else he hasn't done that an average joe does. Although he is genuinely Walden's best friend, caring deeply for him (sometimes to the point of implied homosexuality), Alan has an ulterior motive: keep Walden in the house and paying for it so he doesn't end up homeless or having to live with Evelyn. He intends on spending the rest of his life living with Walden, further implying that Alan harbors some sort of feelings for him, but it is quite established that Walden and Alan are both straight.
However, his repressed grief over losing his only brother eventually gets the better of him causing him to go insane believing himself to be Charlie. This is spurred by the desire to live the life his brother had and as a way to try to keep his brother "alive". After spending 28 days in a rehab center and Walden remodels his deceased brother's beach house, Alan sadly realizes that Charlie is really gone and he no longer has a reason to stay in his late brother's beach house. Walden assures him that he still belongs there and Alan continues to stay in Charlie's (now Walden & Alan's) beach house.
Alan and Lyndsey get engaged; Kandi comes back to reconcile with Alan, but is turned down; and Lyndsey calls off the wedding when the spark is gone in their relationship.
Alan's long-lost niece comes to town and moves in with him and Walden. In the first episode of the season, it is revealed that Alan's clinic went out of business due to his financial woes, therefore leaving him unemployed. However, he had to fake his own death to get out of paying the back-rent he couldn't afford to pay. Alan and Lyndsey starting having an affair together after troubles with Lyndsey's boyfriend. Alan and Judith also briefly get back together and engaged after a drunken night, but call it off when Judith learns Alan planned on proposing to Lyndsey first. Alan and Lyndsey's affair eventually comes to an end when Alan hooks up with Larry's sister Gretchen. They soon become engaged to be married, but it is all put on hold when Gretchen's former husband returns to make amends. She tells Alan that they're not over, but she must think it all over before making up her mind.
- Alan's middle name is Jerome.
- He shares some qualities with Sheldon Cooper, a character from The Big Bang Theory, another sitcom created by Chuck Lorre.
- Alan is an unplanned child. His mother personally assures him how he's "a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom", in "The Sea is a Harsh Mistress".
- In the episode 'Warning, It's Dirty', Evelyn reminds Charlie how forty years earlier, he had asked for a little brother for Christmas, which in contrast puts in doubt whether Alan was unplanned or not.
- Despite leading an immensely pathetic life, he is afraid of death.
- In Gorf. Fnark. Schemegle, it is revealed that Alan is turned on by (even if they are a little fat) angry women.
- Walden, Robin, and Brooke all believe Alan is older than 45, and they believe he is 60. (Though he is 42 or 43, depending on how much time has passed since the end of season 8)
- As of Season 9, Alan is the surviving son of Evelyn Harper after Charlie's death
- There is a lack of continuity regarding Alan Harper because in the episode "Slowly and In A Circular Fashion" he received $50,000 a year and yet in "Mr. Hose Says "Yes"" he says going to a hotel requires money and I have none." It could be that he has already spent all of that money.
- Also in "Slowly and In A Circular Fashion" he received his name on the deeds to the house and yet in "Mr. Hose Says "Yes"" Zoey snidely tells him "Thank you for letting Walden use his own house for a change." It's possible that she does not know his name is on the deed.
- One of Alan's worst moments of cheapness happens during the episode "Why We Gave Up Women". As he was having a heart attack, and Walden had dropped one hundred dollars, he crawled to it even when he was having the heart attack.
- His name is an anagram for Anal, which Charlie once used to describe his personality.
- Herb and Walden are the only two characters who consider Alan a friend.
- Only in the first season that he never talked about his cheapness.
- He wears tighty-whities.
- Alan is the only character on the show to appear in every episode of the series.
- In "Bite Me, Supreme Court", it was found out Alan took ballet when he was 14.